My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
