I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
