my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize