She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize