no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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