cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
