I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
