Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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