The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
