I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Is it penis luge time yet?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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