She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
