This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
