I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
