OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
