I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
