Plan B is the new Plan A
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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