i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
