I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
