fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Of course I have a pirate flag
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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