Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize