I can text with my tongue
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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