I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
