I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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