Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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