drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
