My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When did angry sex become our thing?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
