he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
