I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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