i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In other news, I just burned my penis
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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