I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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