i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize