Please, let me fuck your mom
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
