Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
