Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize