you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
her vagine was all disorganized.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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