i just wanna soil my oats bro
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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