NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
