Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
