some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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