worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
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Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
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I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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