Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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