Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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