So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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