News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
