is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
