The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
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there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
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Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.