Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
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It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
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The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.