Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.