so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
