I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.