Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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