her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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