The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
