Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
