Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If that was your dad, he is hot
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
