He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
