she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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