my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
