I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
