That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You are a genius and a whore.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
