I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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