Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
