I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
