So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
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He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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