He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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