just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
